Tuning in, or zoning out?
Your date goes to the bathroom. You’re waiting in line to order coffee. You’ve just finished a meeting.
What’s the first thing you do?
For me, it’s checking my phone.
On average, we’re checking our phones 50 times a day.
I took a guess at how many times I was checking my phone daily, and settled on 35 — about twice an hour while I’m awake.
My actual number?
75.
Turns out, unsurprisingly so, that most people underestimate the amount of time they’re checking their phones. In fact, people are using their phones twice as much as they self-report.
Has checking our phones become such a subconscious way to fill time that we’re not even doing it with purpose 50% of the time?
Early last year, I took a trip to New York — a city I hadn’t experienced in nearly a decade.
Sleep No More landed at the top of my list, at the recommendation of nearly everyone I asked.
I finished up work and headed to the show, flying solo as I often do on last minute trips. I got in line for the seven o’clock show and found myself surrounded by couples, a bit uncomfortable.
Although I enjoy my solo time, I still have moments when I wish I had someone at my side. This was one of them.
My first urge was to pull out my phone.
Before I could reach into my pocket, the woman behind me asked if this was the line for the seven o’clock show.
“Yep, I’m thinking they’ll let us in soon,” I said.
“You have the most beautiful eyes,” she replied.
“Thanks, you too!” I word-vomited. (she had on sunglasses)
After wading though the awkwardness, we chatted for another fifteen minutes or so, and headed in together.
This was her first time visiting the US from Germany. We talked about how weird it is to find surfers in Munich, what to expect from the next few hours, and my advanced knowledge of German (turns out “may I sharpen my pencil please?” is more sexual than 10th grade me imagined).
It was a moment of connection, quite possibly missed if my eyes were glued to my phone.
From the time I was born up until today, the number of people experiencing loneliness has doubled as the reach of technology has grown exponentially. Although it’s easier to connect, we somehow feel more isolated.
Our phones offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship. They enable us to feel a connection with another person, without the feeling of being physically present with others. We can catch-up from the toilet, rather than block our evening for dinner with a friend.
I’m not saying that technology is bad. It’s the reason I can stay connected with my family from 3,000 miles away, or follow two friend’s cross country adventure in a van. However, it’s a hard argument to make that technology can substitute for in-person interaction. If you don’t believe me, try coordinating a conference call.
It’s these in-person interactions, moments of humanity, vulnerability, and potential (or in my case, likely) awkwardness that make being alive so exciting.
Why is it so difficult to put our phones down for a moment, and be with the people around us?
If you’re thinking, “but Josh, I can multi-task!” Stop. It’s not a thing. By ‘multi-tasking’ you’re doing two things half-assed. I opt for full-assed people.
Next time you’re tempted to pull out your phone, pause for a second and consider if it’s worth tuning in to your phone, or the world around you? Would you rather zone out the vibrations in your pocket, or the person sitting across from you?
I would challenge you to opt for the person that’s right in front of you.
Put your phone away on your next date. Keep your phone off the table in your next meeting. Choose to be in that moment.
Your phone may connect you to other humans, but it’ll never replace one.
Listening: Pod Save America
Reading: Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
Watching: What Democracy Looks Like: A Portrait of Inauguration Weekend
