Often.

One person comes to mind, from high school, who was open about their fabulous, gay self. I regret not standing alongside them or at least standing up for them, rather than picking on them. If you, X Y, are that person, I am sorry. Your confidence to be yourself during that time has done a great deal to influence the confidence that I live with today.

As I’ve learned in recent years, a number of people who were right alongside me in the closet — poking fun at those who were courageous enough to venture outside — are now living their own fabulous, gay life. We all harbored some self hatred and suppression, and took it out on those who were living freely.

It’s realizations like this, and questions like yours, that push me to speak openly about my own sexuality and support those who are figuring out theirs (through mentorship, my job, fundraising, etc.). The internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity I grew up with are not okay. It’s not okay to use ‘gay’ as a joke, or shame others for living their life.

While I deal with the regrets from my past through therapy and action, I’m optimistic for a future that allows others to live openly and truthfully, unlike my own experience.

Thank you for your question and the chance to reflect on it.